Letters to My Muse
by Lightning-Mage-Betrayl
Summary: Ever since she saw a boy cower from his father when she was three, she had wanted to become an artist. But, as time went on and she discovered her family wouldn't be able to afford to help her out, she kept her dreams a secret, and with it the boy. Hiatus
1. Prologue 1

Letters to My Muse

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Chapters: 26

Genre: Romance/Angst

Language: English, Romanizied Japanese

References: Harry Potter

Summary: _Ever since she saw a boy cower from his father when she was three, she had wanted to become an artist. But, as time went on and she discovered her family wouldn't be able to afford to help her out, she kept her dreams a secret, and with it, the boy who became her muse._

If you want a copy of the table of contents, just ask.

Sorry if the Prologue doesn't make much sense... I just wanted the prologue up... and needed it to be more than 500 words...

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Prologue -

_December 14th, 1984 - _

_The three year old girl tightened her grip on her mother's hand as the two walked into Diagon Alley to finish Christmas shopping for their family. A blanket of snow covered in hundreds of various sized foot prints covered the ground, and many people where walking around to various shops, arms full of gifts. Her mother looked through second-hand books for a present for her two eldest sons, as the three year old looked around. _

_Outside of the shop, a boy around the girl's age cowered away from a man with a tight grip on his arm. The boy looked scared of his father, and the girl wondered why. The man sauntered into an alley with his son, after glancing around to see if anyone was watching him, not seeing the three year old with wide eyes._

_The man pulled his son's shirt up and harshly slapped the child's back. The child bit his lip in pain, and the girl winced. When her mother looked at her daughter, the girl just shook her head. _

_"Do you think Charlie will like this one, honey?" the mother asked her daughter. A book about dragons was in her mother's hand. The girl nodded slowly. After purchases where made, and the daughter had pushed the boy and his father from her mind, they walked out of the store. It was then the girl saw the boy again. He looked sad, the girl noticed. 'I wish I could draw you happy...' the girl thought as they walked towards the exit of Diagon Alley. _

_"I got you a present, Ginny..." her mother told her, as they left. But three year old Ginny Weasley hadn't noticed a pair of grey eyes belonging to a four year old who had known she'd seen, following her leaving figure._

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_December 25th, 1984_

_Ginny opened her last present, a simple hair ribbon from her older brothers. She smiled widely, but inside she was torn. She'd seen the boy who was beaten wearing robes worth more than her entire home. Why couldn't she get pretty things?_

_"Mum? Can I have paints?"Ginny asked later that night._

_"I don't think we can afford them, Ginny... Paints are expensive and we don't have much money..." Molly Weasley admitted to her daughter._

_"Is okay..."_

_-_

_It was much the same on her birthday, but Ginny soon discovered that she was making her parents feel guilty that they couldn't afford everything she wanted. So, she hid her dreams... _

_But, she couldn't stop wanting to be an artist... so, as she grew older, she started using blank pages of her hand-me-down books, and drew pictures with muggle charcoal pencils she'd found discarded on the street once._

_At first they were brief sketches... but as time went on they became detailed. By the time she entered Hogwarts, she could draw a snitch intricately._

_But, the boy with grey eyes and blond hair was always her inspiration. A boy who's name she hadn't known. Until she met him in Flourish & Botts._

_Even then, he remained her inspiration. She never told anyone, with the exception of Voldemort's diary, which she had even drawn in on occcasion. _

_Along with the secret of her love of drawing came a secret she'd kept even longer. The secret of that little boy being beaten. And somehow, she knew even then, that it was wise to keep it secret._


	2. Prologue 2

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Letters To My Muse - Reverse Point of View Prologue

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Written in letter format. May not make much sense… it's both the second prologue and the epilogue.

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_**To the reader, may you understand:**_

_Life always throws us off course with obstacles and its own demented plot twists… But we still attempt to live life to the fullest.. We don't question until something seems off or goes horrendously wrong… Because it's in our nature to do so. Just like it's in our nature to fall in love or become prejudicial. Pointless this seems, I know. But true, no?_

_-_

_I am a writer, in all sense of the word. I write… and I love to write… but in my family I am a black sheep… I'm not allowed to have a creative bone in my body, or a skill that can be used for the greater good. I was molded for evil, and that was supposed to be my sole purpose in life._

_But… as I said… I am a writer in every sense of the word. And it was that love, that passion that would destroy my only other love in the end… Confused? As you should be…_

_My other love wasn't a writer, as I was. But she still wrote in every sense of the word. She was a painter, an artist… and I was her muse… but.. It took me a series of letters and nearly fifteen years to notice… and just as long to fall in love… with the very one I was prejudicial against._

_-_

_I wasn't like the others who were trained and drained by their fathers and mothers to become heartless, cruel, and ultimately mechanic. I was different. I saw writing as an outlet, and as a passion. But, since I was forced to hide myself from everyone else, it became almost like an obsession._

_I wrote in dark corners and hours before the dawn. I wrote whenever I could, taking only moments to keep up the image I was forced to put up. And… as it happened to be, I wrote stories of heroics and damsels in distress.. Far from me or any female I was close to._

_I wrote more than stories, however, I also wrote secrets, and songs… and poems… If my father had come across them, I'd be considered girly, and severely punished… but Gin…. She just smiled and said I had talent…_

_-_

_**I'm saying this with all my heart...**_

I never want to leave your side, again…

_-_

_So, as I continue on with my letter, I will include parts of myself… writings and songs… so that maybe.. You'll get to see the real me… _

_Now that I know of the fairy tale love life can give us… I will show it to you… But… you'll find I was that empty uncaring shell I was mechanized to be… that icy jerk that everyone seemed to be shown… but with a little compassion and the love of a beautiful girl I realized I could be so much more…_

_She had given me the courage… as I gave her wings… and she taught me how to care… as I taught her how to fly…_

_**You may be smart,**_

But I'm smarter.

_I changed gradually… one step at a time…****_

You may be brave,

But I'm braver.

_I was a cocky jerk with millions of galleons….****_

You may be pretty,

But I'm beautiful...

_I could have bought her home twenty times over with my pocket change….****_

I may be weak,

But you're weaker...

_And she knew I was evil and uncaring at that time…****_

You are beautiful to me,

I love your personality,

You are beautiful to me.

Don't ever leave...

_But she changed me… She dared to…_

_But.. I might as well have killed her in the end… as we grew closer, my stories grew darker… the songs remained the same, as did the poems.. But I began to stop writing them… And the darkness portrayed in my writings consumed me…_

_Still… I love her…_

_But… I am still evil in the recesses of my heart and mind… and my soul… I will never be able to commit to either side… So I sit here.. Dark and light… evil and good… and yet neither…_

_I love her… and I love to write… but… it seems… I can no longer have both…. Or either._

_Sincerely Draco Malfoy_

_August 22nd, 2000._


	3. Chapter One Kangaekomu

_**Letters To My Muse **_

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_Chapter One - Kangaekomu_

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A/N at bottom!

Late Spring, 1997

Ginny Weasley made her way out of the train station, her parents close behind. A smile crept on her face as she saw the faint glimmer of a Gringotts key. It felt good to know that someone was still with her from Hogwarts, even though she didn't know who it was.

The past year had been tougher for her than any years past, Ginny had discovered as the school term drew to a close. An all _too _early close at that. It was that simple unexpected turn of events that had destroyed Ginny's hope that she and Harry would finally and always be together. She understood, how could she not… but it still hurt nonetheless.

It was that pain, that heartache; the pain of losing Dumbledore, a man she'd respected and admired for years… and the pain of losing all the others that made that the single worst year of her life. Admitting that to herself hadn't taken very long… but she knew it would be a very long time before she could admit it to another person.

So… it would be this day, she knew, that would tell her where her fate truly lay. It was something she did not understand at all.

She took a deep breath and stepped into the alley where she and her parents would be apparating from.

"Ginevra… are you ready?" her mother asked. She nodded.

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Draco Malfoy sat at the end of a waterfront forest; the cold, harsh ocean water spraying him with a mist. It seemed that he'd never find what he was looking for.

To Draco, the worst part of not being able to find what he was looking for, was not knowing what he was looking for. It was something he'd never find, he knew that more than anything else. Even if the events that had transpired in the past year hadn't occurred… even if he hadn't nearly killed Dumbledore, he knew that he wouldn't be able to find it.

It was like a curse that would slowly eat away at him… a virus with no cure. The guilt was like that feeling. Draco knew that he wasn't supposed to feel guilty. He knew that from the years of his father pounding it into him… and from the dark mark that marred the surface of his skin.

The Dark Mark was more than a symbol of power and a way to bring hordes of Deatheaters together, the teenager knew. It was a darkness, a curse, a disease that could never be cured. A pure evil. It was something he had never truly wanted, but something he had no other choice but to get.

Sighing, he clambered up and turned around, only to see his father standing there with a dark look on his ashen face.

"You are being requested of, Draco." he said fiercely, pulling him along.

"Do you know why?" Draco dared to ask. His father tightened his grip enough to draw drops of blood from his arm before he answered.

"It's likely because you were too stupid to kill the twit and then attempted to hide from me." came the answer.

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Ginny lay on her bed, her legs dangling off the edge. She went over and over in her head the names of the constellations as she tried to keep her mind off what Harry and the others were doing. It wasn't as if she couldn't go to them and see, but she knew if she did she'd want to go with them.

She shot up as she remembered a long lost picture in her mind. The picture of a young boy. Her muse. It had been a long time since she remembered the boy. _A long time since her muse gave her inspiration to draw._ Stranger to her, was how it came. She'd been saying thee only constellation she had left to go over when her mind went blank. And he came into her vision.

She jolted out of her bed and to her knapsack laying on the floor next to her bed. The fifteen year old pulled a new scroll and a set of charcoal sticks out and then brought them up to her bed.

-End of Chapter One

A/N: Forgive me for any inconsistencies between this chapter and the ones before it. _I don't have internet_ right now, so I apologize.

This was supposed to have been posted months ago. Sorry. I did have this chapter a lot longer but my mom re-formatted the computer and I'm not sure if I have the longer copy any more. Thanks for reading.


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